The February Edition: Date-spots
Roses are red, chillies are too. Date advice from The Massamen crew.
Wassup Massamen,
January may have felt like a cruel joke from above, but you made it through. And with the arrival of February comes an exciting occasion - Valentine’s Day.
That special time of year when singles assess their inadequacy and couples scramble to organise the perfect night.
But while Samantha at work waxes lyrical about her latest foodie adventure to Wahaca, you’ll be doing things right. Follow the recommendations below and leave Samantha to enjoy her stale fish tacos alone.
In other news, we asked you to help us get to 100 subscribers - and you did. Quickly. So thank you 🌶MASSAMEN UNITE.
Anyway, onwards with our delicious date spots. Remember - always bring protection:
Don’t forget, we can only keep doing this if we continue to dream of making millions from food reviews and retiring to the Bahamas. With that in mind, please keep sharing with your friends and family here:
Enjoy.
Yori - For a ‘hands-on’ date
Korean BBQ is the name of the game here. And what a fun game it is. Get some pork, beef, prawns etc - grill ‘em, dip ‘em. Banging.
A great activity-style dinner for a date. Order our recommendations below and stare deeply into one another’s eyes as you play with your meat.
What to try:
Haemool Pajeon
Jap Chae
Beef/Pork Bulgogi (try as a Ssam set or on its own with steamed rice)
Kimchi Jjigae
The Barbary - For a ‘just got my payslip, let’s get boujie’ date
Their booking system leaves something to be desired (you can only book at 5pm and you’re not able to walk in and leave your name on the door), but they’re efficient in getting you seated. And there’s space to have a drink and nibs while you wait.
Delicious Mediterranean/North-African inspired food and bar-seating (allowing for some flirty footsies) will impress your date. We wouldn’t pick up the whole bill if we were you - but we’re mean.
We recommend:
Moroccan cigars
Jerusalem Bagel
Muhammara
Mashawsha Octopus
Cauliflower Jaffa Style
Ask what the specials are: we had some piff pork
Wouldn’t recommend for groups. We’re all for polygamy but the seating situation wouldn’t accommodate thruples.
Padella - For a solid third date
Price: ££
Address: 6 Southwark St, London SE1 1TQ
The great thing about Padella is that it feels très sophistiqué but won’t leave you working out how to make the final £5.48 in your account last 15 days.
The dish sizes aren’t huge, so don’t wolf it down all at once. There’s nothing attractive about that. 3 dishes between 2 works well.
There’s often a long queue. TOP TIP: use the walk-in app and go for a drink. Perhaps a nice glass of Italian red to show how classy you are.
Ones to try:
Pappardelle with fennel sausage & peppercorn ragu
Tagliarini with dry chilli, garlic & pangrattato
Fettuccine with Cobble Lane Cured nduja, mascarpone & lemon
Hanoi Cafe - For a ‘keepin it casual for now, but never say never’ date
Price: ££
Address: 98 Kingsland Rd, Hackney, London E2 8DP
Hanoi Cafe is just our type of Asian restaurant: somewhere the food is phenomenal and the service secondary. The slightly elderly waitress is not interested in your attempt to pronounce Bun Cha accurately - just give her the dish number and MOVE ON.
It’s a great casual date spot. Probably for one of your first few dates. Likely the first dinner date. Good if you’re looking to flaunt how cosmopolitan you are as you inch toward that magical moment where, in the immortal words of the Spice Girls, 2 become 1.
Quickly shout these numbers before she gets bored:
B1: Hanoi Bun Cha
L14: Bo La Lot
M16: Sizzling Garlic Beef
F3.14159: Crispy Squid
Pepe’s - For when you want to let them down gently
Price: 0.5£
Various locations inc. Fulham and Holloway Road
You’ve tried but you’re just not feeling it.
Maybe the spark’s gone. Maybe it’s because you secretly miss filling the void in your heart with cherry Lambrini.
Maybe it’s because they’ve obviously got a side-piece - who even is ‘Mum’?
Show your lack of enthusiasm by going to Pepe’s. The wings are great and there’s absolutely no chance anyone will want to make a move on you after 3 portions of Pepe’s Extra-Hot Famous Piri Piri Chicken.
If you’re feeling bad, buy them some too.
Of course, some of us will be single this month. And if you are, do the only thing you can - order 48 chicken nugs and watch 10 Things I Hate About You. And no - no one will ever love you like that.
See you next month,
Ya boiz
Want to get in touch? Email us at food@themassamen.com