We’re back! And we’re delighted that so many of you have been craving our return. We’re sorry the past few months have been so barren…
To be honest, we were a bit thrown by this whole coronavirus thing - #throwback to when we were mocking face masks (excerpt from March 2020):
This did not age well.
On a separate note, who knew Dishy Rishi had such good chat?! Eat Out To Help Out? Great banter. And a great way to put on 5 stone without breaking the bank.
Sir Rish has certainly made our lives difficult - we’ve got 6 months’ worth of horrendous jokes and euphemisms to fit in to one newsletter. Strap in/on.
We’ve got a cracker for you today
First up, a Google map to help you navigate your way around London’s culinary scene. If you’re stuck for where to go - just get it up and scroll.
Second, travel opportunities are drying up faster than *insert graphic sexual innuendo here*. So whilst we can’t give you a tour of the world, we can certainly try to give your mouth one. Some of these have even put in place innovative schemes to drum up business since Rishi stopped being such a giver 👅👌.
Arrive early to get in a few hours of fun BECAUSE REMEMBER WE ARE ONLY ALLOWED 3 HOURS OF FUN A DAY DURING THE PANDEMIC.
Srsly, tho. Times are tough; sure, stay safe and all that but please also support local, delicious businesses. Feed your gluttony and let’s get back to normal ASAP 🙌🙌🙌
FIRST UP
The Massamen Recommend - we’ve built this neat little Google Map List of our favourite LDN spots. It changes regularly so save it and refer to it like you refer your flatmate to Deliveroo for credit.
Here’s how to get it:
Click the link below 🔗
Make sure you FOLLOW so the map is saved to your Google account
We aren’t Good Samaritans. We fully intend to retire to private islands as soon as feasible - help us get there and share it and The Massamen with your friends.
Someone forward you this newsletter? We deliver monthly restaurant recommendations for London - it will make your life better.
SECOND UP
Missing a cruise centred around the wonders of travel and food, not the public loos? Try the spots below.
We’re so fed up with the lack of #holibobs that we’ve developed our own little round-the-world cuisine tour of London. All of these can be found on the map.
Remember, groups are limited to 6 people - a rule the East Croydon Dogging Association are furiously protesting.
👇
British 🇬🇧
Jason Atherton’s Social Eating House (Soho) - doing a charming lil deal with 3 courses for £25 on lunch (Tues-Fri) and early sittings (Tues-Fri 5-5:30pm). Valid until the end of October.
Japanese 🇯🇵
Roka (Aldwych) - sliding in with exactly the energy we need right now, they’ve just started a Happy Hour (Mon-Fri 5-7pm). Cocktails = £6, snacks = £5. Have one of everything, it’s all great.
Portuguese 🇵🇹
Casa Do Frango (Shoreditch) - not only are they extending their Eat Me Out To Help Me Out scheme (Mon & Tues), but they’re also slapping a Happy Hour on top of it. £5 cocktails, 4-6pm.
Thai 🇹🇭
Kiln (Soho) - this is the first place we went to post lockdown. The best dish is by far Clay Pot Baked Glass Noodles with crab - but they regularly update the menu, so ask for recommendations/specials.
Korean 🇰🇷
Gogi (Edgware Rd) - Korean BBQ. The best thing to do here is order a shitload of different plates and share, family style. Just make sure your family likes it spicy ‘cos lemon and herb does not exist in Korea.
French 🇫🇷
Entrecôte (Marylebone/Soho) - gagging for that familiar feeling of being treated like an absolute moron for your shoddy French accent? Stepping into Le Relais de Venise l’Entrecôte will send you there. The only thing you need to decide is how you would like your steak cooked - double helpings are standard and it’s very reasonably priced.
Indian 🇮🇳
Roti Chai (Marble Arch) - currently operating only their Street Kitchen, this tapas-y street-food inspired grub is well worth a visit. Obviously, we recommend you get the Agni ‘Fire’ Wings.
Malaysian 🇲🇾
Satay House (Paddington) - now, you’ll know that we Massamen love the Malaysian food. If you do too, get yourself down to Satay House. As the name implies the satay is finger-lickin’ but so are some other dishes like Daging Dengdeng and Ayam Berlada - mix it up.
Caribbean
Rainbow Bakery (Dalston) - you’re here for the 1/4 Jerk Chicken Meal. Fridays and Saturdays from 1pm. Jerk chicken with rice, peas, and coleslaw. Banging.
Chinese 🇨🇳
Hai Di Lao (Leicester Sq) - despite being in the worst part of town, this is possibly the best hotpot in London. Don the complimentary apron, pop your mask in the complimentary baggie, and get stuck in. Feast on a budget.
Ethiopian 🇪🇹
Mesi’s Kitchen (Holloway Rd) - if you've never tried Ethiopian food before you're seriously missing out, and this badass joint is our favourite. An absolute must is Injera - cheap, delicious, and will make you so full you'll consider gastric band surgery. What’s not to love.
Vietnamese 🇻🇳
Salvation In Noodles (Finsbury Park) - never has a restaurant name been more accurate. You might feel inclined to play it safe and go with a pho, but variety is the spice of life, Jeremy! Try the lemongrass beef curry - it’s outstanding.
Scandinavian
Scandinavian kitchen (Fitzrovia) - ever get an urge to go to IKEA just to get their meatballs and salmon? This is exactly the same. Go for brunch.
South American 🇵🇪
Ceviche (Soho) - close your eyes, take a sip of that cheeky Pisco sour, and pretend you’re watching salsa in Lima. Reliable, delicious, and a good vibe too. Wicked cool.
Middle Eastern
Melabes (Kensington High St) - everywhere we go, we are drawn to meat in vast quantities. But the humble vegetable is the absolute queen at this chic Mediterranean restaurant. It’s not completely veggie, but do yourself a favour and order a selection from their 'Garden' menu. A must-have is the Tel Aviv-style cauliflower.
Stay greedy,
The Massamen